One of the greatest advantages of not having kids is possessing the ability to come up with rules/mandates for hypothetical future children.

#1. My children will own as few shoes as possible. Tough skin builds character.

#2. My children will be provided with a long rope, balls, chalk, a deck of cards, and a camera. Any additional requested toy must be accompanied with a compelling argument as to why it is necessary.

#3. The television will only be turned on if: a) the child is bedridden, b) the weather causes the outside to be unexplorable/lifethreatening, c) sleepovers, d) family movie nights (!!!).

#4. Appropriate chores will be non-negotiable.